To Whom It May Concern:

I realize that I’ve eaten far too much chocolate and ice cream these past few years, but I want it stated for the record that I was just making up for all those years when I despised both chocolate and ice cream. It’s only been since I was about 35 years old that I could stomach the stuff, and the fact that I can now survive on nothing BUT chocolate and ice cream should not be held against me in any way. After all, I wouldn’t hold it against YOU if the roles were reversed.

As I think on it – I was so much skinnier when I loathed sweets. More stressed out and ornerier, too. So, while it’s true that the delectable taste of sugary goodness has spoiled my figure, it must simultaneously be given credit for de-stressing my life (allowing me to live to the ripe old age of 50! (whoa! That’s half a century) and altering my disposition for the better. And everyone who comes in contact with me is the beneficiary. Long live chocolate and ice cream!